What Turning 4o Teaches You

When you take that 40th trip around the sun, it’s a different emotional experience than any other birthday you’ve had. There’s something monumentous about hearing 40. You’ve experienced life as a child, a young adult, a struggling 20-year-old, and a settling-into-life 30-year-old. At 40, you’ve hit your stride. Whether that’s in your career, your family, or how many checkmarks you have on your bucket list, there’s some intelligence you’ve gained, some life experiences you’ve had, and a general sense that the tire tread is a little worn.

So, as I prepare to blow out 40 candles, I couldn’t help but think about what I’ve learned to this point in my life, as a daughter, sister, wife, and mother.

1.    You get one body, treat it well – The stuff we did in our 20s, hits differently as the clock strikes midnight on 39 when it comes to workouts, sleep cycles, and rebounding from a late night out.

2.    Listen to your gut, it does not lie – Plain and simple, that little voice in your head and feeling in your stomach are right. Try your best to listen and obey.

3.    Let God steer – His plan is so much better than ours, even if it’s not on the timing we think is best. Symbiotically, again, do your best to listen and obey.

4.    Be kind to others – We never know what people are going through. Be a light in the day of others, you never know the impact you can have.

5.    You’re never too old to learn something new – You can teach an old dog new tricks, don’t ever be afraid to try.

6.    Be patient – Every parent knows exactly where this lesson comes from. Embrace those little humans in your life because they are some of the best teachers.

7.    Today defines you, not your past – Today is (and can always be) day 1. Your past helps get you to where you are but doesn’t make you who you are.

8.    Surround yourself with supportive people – Toxicity isn’t productive. And sometimes it’s not as easy as saying cut toxic people completely from our lives, but for every person who isn’t building you up, find at least 2 people who are and gravitate towards them.

9.    Don’t settle – In life, in your marriage, in your career, or your dreams.

10.  Open yourself to change – With uncomfortability comes great knowledge. It’s not always easy, but change can lead to clarity.

11.  Celebrate the small wins – Life isn’t always lollipops and rainbows. Embrace joy and success whenever it comes your way.

12.  Hug your loved ones constantly – Things can change in a matter of milliseconds. Don’t miss the opportunity to love on your loved ones whenever you can.

13.  Find yourself a true partner in life, not just a spouse – Marriage is about love and respect, not just love. Find someone who builds you up, challenges you, and would go to bat for you, every…single…time.

14.  Your parents did their best – Raising kids is a wild ride and you don’t really get it until you’re doing it. So, simply put, thanks, mom and dad… and sorry too.

15.  Walk away from people or situations when you need to – When consistent efforts fall flat, it might be time to take a step back, reflect, and move on.

16.  Your child’s laugh is magical – By far, there is nothing better to hear, and its impact is so powerful.

17.  Put the phone down – Life happens around us every day, and yes, some of us need to be on our phones for portions of it, but when you’re aimlessly scrolling, stop, look around, and smell those fantastic roses.

18.  Pray for your children – We provide them with such strength through our prayers and it gives us the chance to focus on what’s truly important in their lives.

19.  Leisurely read – I didn’t realize how great reading was until the last few years. Books are a source of entertainment, education, and release.

20.  Self-care is important – We all hold different titles in the lives of others, and some people in our lives are more needy than others. But we can’t sacrifice ourselves or our sanity in the process. We can’t be the best for others if we aren’t the best for ourselves.

21.  Date your partner – None of us are the same people we were when we got married, which is why dating is so important throughout a marriage. It’s your time as a couple to reconnect outside of careers, kids, family, school, all of it.

22.  Hold onto your true friends – The people who know everything about you and love you anyway.

23.  Embrace hobbies – Responsibilities change from 40 to 20, but that doesn’t mean we should lose our identities. Do things that make you still you.

24.  Say yes when certain opportunities present themselves – No one wants to walk through life with, “what ifs.”

25.  Ask questions – You’ll be blown away at what you’ll learn.

26.  Be kind to yourself – We are all doing our best, and no one is perfect. Cut yourself some slack on the tougher days.

27.  Stand up for yourself – We’re 40, no more getting walked over.

28.  Get back up – Life is never truly smooth sailing, and nor should we want it to be. Learn from the falls, get up, and put the lessons into practice.

29.  Don’t underestimate your own strength – We’ve been through enough by 40, and we are still standing because we are strong.

30.  Take deep breaths – These will help you hold onto your sanity.

31.  Say, “I believe in you” every day to your kids – We are the first people to instill confidence in our kids, give them a solid foundation.

32.  Acknowledge your child’s emotions – Although a child’s response to things seems so over-the-top to an adult, it’s a huge deal in their world. Give them the opportunity to explain why.

33.  Don’t get overly stressed about “milestones” – You don’t need to be married by a certain age or have children by a certain age. Live your life.

34.  Look for the good without being naïve – Go into any situation with a positive mindset until someone proves you otherwise.

35.  Be protective over your heart – Heartbreak is never easy so only entrust your full heart to those who deserve it.

36.  Kiss your partner every day – What a blessing to have a partner in life, show them you appreciate them with this simple gesture.

37.  Call your mom – You’ll only wish you had one more call, don’t waste the time.

38.  Be uncomfortable – This is where you’ll grow and get better.

39.  Find a reason to smile every day – What an awful way to go through life without doing so.

40.  Celebrate, ALWAYS – Every occasion, big or small, celebrate it, enjoy it, and cherish it.