Why Working Moms Really Can Have it All
Even as women are taking the workforce by storm in the role of employee, CEO, or entrepreneur, there still seems to be a general sentiment that working moms feel like they have to choose between work and family. Guilt rears its ugly head if 100% can’t be given at home, and 100% can’t be given at work, feeling like they need to sacrifice one or the other.
And a short 3 years into motherhood, I get it, I empathize with it, but I also hope it’s not the case.
It’s true what they say, being a parent is the best job, the most challenging job, and the job that forever changes the person you were, are, and will become. As a working mom, I don’t feel the need to choose between being a mom and pursuing my professional passion, but again I’m only a couple of years into it, and my career situation can be different than others. That feeling of needing to decide is real for many and can be detrimental to how a mom or any parent views themselves.
Regardless of how I’ll feel years down the road, now at this moment, I feel like working moms should be able to have it all, and deserve to have it all when they make a conscious effort to shift a mindset.
The Mom Guilt Mindset Shift
Writing that header is tough enough for me to wrap my brain around, let alone to try and conquer the powerful feeling that is mom guilt. It comes down to being ok with the reality that you literally cannot give 100% to work and 100% to home each day. There will be days you feel like you give 80% to one and 40% to another, 90% to one and 25% to another. There is no 100:100 ratio. And guess what? That’s ok.
What happens on the days you have a little one home sick or it’s school vacation week? If you go into the day thinking you’ll still be able to give 100% to your work, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Even if you are one of the lucky ones with parents nearby who can help out on those unplanned days, you’re still going to be thinking about the time you missed being a mom that day. Or you will be preoccupied with worry as it fills up the mental capacity you have that day, hence taking your mind away from work.
Thanks, mom guilt.
Don’t do it to yourself.
Be kind when you set the expectations for those types of days. It’s ok to have professional goals you want to reach on any given day or start the day with the hopes of accomplishing a to-do list, but be realistic and be as prepared as possible for when unknown things happen and obstacles pop up.
What about the days you specifically plan to hold the title of just mom? Whether that’s partaking in multiple cuddle sessions with your baby, trips to the park with your toddler, or an actual family vacation with your tween. How often do you check your email while on vacation or during a sick day? It’s the world we live in. We are a click away at all times and connected more often than we probably would like, especially on those days.
Remember, if you don’t check your email on vacation, it doesn’t mean you’re a professional who doesn’t care about their career. You’re a human who is looking for a different type of connection on those days. And that’s just fine.
It’s important to take any situation, and how you react to it, with patience and care for yourself. Also, you need to be understanding if things don't go exactly as planned. You might’ve scheduled to get some work done during your LO’s Saturday afternoon nap, but then they have other plans for you that day that don’t include napping. Speaking from experience, that was a fun afternoon, but once I let it go, laughed off the fact that our 2-year-old spent most of his “nap time” jumping on top of his pillow and giggling loudly at his athletic prowess, you just chalk it up to one of many days you’ll have as a working mom.
And every one of those days is worth it.