Reflecting on the Year that Was
The holiday season prompts us to stop and reflect on the year that was and the year that’s ahead. What we are thankful for, what we wished went differently, and our hopes moving forward. No one has gotten through 2020 and 2021 unscathed. We’ve experienced an environment that was unimaginable, unbelievable, and life-changing. Getting political isn’t my brand, so that’s where I’ll stop, but mentioning it reminds us that life and experiences shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Most likely, if you’re someone in your late 30s, like me, you know someone who’s planned to grow their family, or you’ve done so yourself. It’s exciting, it’s scary, and it’s unpredictable in some cases. As a family, we were fortunate enough to welcome our second son this past March. The miracle that is having a child isn’t lost on me as both he and our first son were chosen for us with the help of some amazing doctors and many prayers. When it comes to infertility, the spectrum is massive. For some, it’s trying to get pregnant and needing to wait a bit. For others, it can be numerous invasive treatments and procedures that give you the hope of carrying a child.
Regardless of your journey… I see you, and I am you.
In 2016, my husband and I decided to start our family. Being on the older end of childbearing age, I expected it might take us a minute to get pregnant, but I never thought we wouldn’t be able to get pregnant on our own. Little did I know, 33 wasn’t the prime age to be making babies. Heck, if I were on the Oregon Trail, I would’ve probably died of dysentery by that point.
But thanks to a great team of doctors and a faith we would be nowhere without, we got pregnant.
As a former college athlete, I consider myself semi tolerable dealing with discomfort. But pregnancy turned to me and said, hold my beer. I’ll spare you the fun details but let’s just say air sickness bags were an Amazon Subscribe and Save must. Otherwise, pregnancy was pretty cool. Carrying a little life inside of you is wild, and I’m forever grateful I had the opportunity to feel those little kicks and moves over two pregnancies. To be honest though, there was a point where I didn’t know if I would be able to, and the road you bring yourself down with that in mind can be defeating. I remember thinking I was less of a woman, less of a wife, less of a daughter because I wouldn’t be able to carry a baby, make my husband a father, and make my parents and in-laws grandparents. Welcome to step one of your mom-guilt journey.
Then came trying for baby number two. A pandemic-riddled pregnancy where again, I was super grateful to be pregnant but found myself very intimate with our bathroom porcelain and a bit apprehensive with the unknown of what a pandemic world and bringing a baby into it would mean. You know how time-consuming it would be to play connect-the-dots on your arms for anyone who has gone through down the fertility road. You are a literal pin cushion leading up to and throughout that first trimester. And you thought it was tricky to get to the clinic every morning before you had kids. It gets even more problematic to manage when you have another little one at home you need to accommodate. I cannot imagine how hard it gets when there are multiple kids at home. God bless you women who want to go from playing man-to-man to zone defense.
The term geriatric pregnancy still makes me laugh. Here I was 8 weeks pregnant with our second at 37-years-old, and now I’m deemed “geriatric.” For any woman who has heard this term or has been given the wonderful moniker of it, it means nothing. Age doesn’t determine how strong you are and how much you can endure when you have that mama bear fighting mentality.
In March of this past year, we were again blessed with a healthy little boy, and as I look at my husband and I’s first picture with him (masks and all), I can’t help but be thankful. Thankful to be given an environment that makes me appreciate the good and a time of year that makes me reflect on it all. The road ahead may be unknown, but I’m blessed to travel it with two little miracles in each arm and a husband that’s been one heck of a labor and delivery coach.
For any woman or couple at the same spot we were as the ball dropped from one year to the next, knowing we wanted to start a family in that coming year, stay hopeful, stay strong, stay encouraged, and stay open to whatever road the journey brings you. Trust me. I’m wise, I’m seasoned, I’m geriatric.