Give Yourself Grace When Mom Guilt Hits
Whether you’re a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, a mom who bottle-fed, or a mom who breastfed, we all have the same thing in common… mom guilt. Mom guilt is the guilt we experience as moms in relation to our kids, and it comes mostly from unrealistic ideals we have of what it means to be the “perfect” mom.
In my group of friends, I was one of the last ones to start having kids, so mom guilt wasn’t something I was completely unfamiliar with, at least from a second-hand standpoint. However, the moment I saw a plus sign on that pregnancy test, it was like a sea of guilt instantly washed over me.
Was that a soft cheese I just ate?
Shouldn’t my baby be kicking at this point?
Does having a cup of coffee make me a bad mom?
Did I sleep on the correct side of my body last night?
Am I an awful mom because I don’t like being pregnant?
Did I warm up that deli meat enough?
So, imagine how intense the guilt gets once that little person is in your arms or standing in front of you.
Mom guilt is extremely real and powerful. Rationally, we all know that worrying doesn’t do any good, especially when our emotions take over. Think about how much any of us really accomplishes staring at the ceiling of our bedroom at one in the morning when we’re up worrying about if we spent enough time with our children that day or responded the way we should in specific parenting scenarios.
If anything, those late-night over-analyzation sessions will give us more reasons to feel guilty as the hamster wheel in our minds kicks into high gear. We’ll start thinking about the small group we need to bake for later in the week, the carpool we need to organize, or a recent work decision we made that will now take up space in our heads and replay on a loop ad nauseum.
Mom guilt is a result of us worrying about making mistakes or not getting everything right. But we need to realize that these feelings are incredibly normal and, more often than not, mean we adore and care about our children so much. It’s almost as if the guilt comes from a place of loving someone so much that it can be almost painful at the same time, and every mom knows that feeling.
After learning I would become a mom, the best advice I got when I expressed my fear about being good enough as a mom was that all a child really needs at the end of the day is love. The love drives the guidance we provide them, and the love drives our want to be the best for them. I’m pretty sure that dedication to love is reason enough to call us all awesome moms.
Society might paint a picture of women being able to balance it all, mom life, wife life, and professional life, but that’s about as realistic as pictures or videos influencers post on Instagram. Being a mom doesn’t come with filters, so give yourself grace and work through the guilt. If you show up every day for your child, love unconditionally, and do your best, you are the perfect mom, #nofilter.